My story (negative)
“Stress” it’s the one thing that once I start mourning about it I just can’t stop. I know what you might think, “How can a 19-year-old be stressed out, when she hasn’t stepped into life yet?” But yes, it is a topic that makes me tear up immediately and mutates into depression. So, I guess you’re wondering, “What kinds of things can she be stressed about?”
In the past I lived with my dad, stepmom and her son. My dad (at the time) was rarely home so I didn’t get to spend quality time with him often. So most of the time is spent with my stepmom and his son. I didn’t understand then, but I always felt distant from her. She would always chose his son over me and overtime I realized she would never love me like her own and I felt like I have to do some things in order to get her to like me…
In light of this, I was exhausted and was easily stressed about even the smallest problems. I try so hard to keep everything perfect for her and the fact that something couldn’t be that way irritated me to think about. As time went by, this irritation manifested into anxiety for me. I didn’t want anybody to know I was having difficulty; I just couldn’t let them know. So then, I thought I had some kind of sickness or anxiety.
All this distress made me shed tears every night. I didn’t have anybody to talk to, and even if I did I doubted they would understand my situation. I thought that other people would think it wasn’t a big deal and wouldn’t or couldn’t help me. I knew I’d have to get rid of this stress inside of me, so I wrote letters to my stepmom, letters about all my feelings. I would sob from the start till the end of the letter. After I finished writing, I was terrified to give it to her so, instead I would light it on fire and watch my feelings burn away to ash and into the trash. By doing this, it had became a technique to let go of my worriment and issues.
One day I finally got the courage to tell my stepmom of what was I feeling. I wrote a letter saying everything I felt and how I still felt about her. I sealed it and left it in her closet. After she read it, she came to me and apologized for everything. She admitted that she didn’t love me much compared to her son but even the little love meant a lot to me. Even though this did confirm the thought of her not liking me very much but, if you look at it from her perspective, it takes a lot of strength to raise someone else’s child. From then on we became more close to each other and I’m not anxious anymore. For all the lost love of my childhood I try to mend them by being positive all the time and helping others. Although you can never makeup what is lost, this experience taught me so many things. I learned to be independent at a young age, faced my problems which is not an easy thing to do even for adults, and what might be a huge deal to some people I for one learned that there are bigger problems in the world and you just got to learn to let go of some hitches. The world is a cruel place. Faith, art, love, friendship and mental attitudes are among the ways of minimizing and overcoming suffering and the cruelty of the world.
